Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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