I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
