Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Randomize
