it hurts more in the daytime
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
