I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
