it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
