It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
