I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
