sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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