i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
