It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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