2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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