Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
