So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Randomize
