i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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