all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
