His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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