Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
