ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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