Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
