Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
