I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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