Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Michael Bay diarrhea
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
