Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
