Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
