You're completely useless in the revolution.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
