but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
God I need to hump something, right now.
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