She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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