Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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