I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
