so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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