I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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