Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My hand turned me down
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
