That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
