god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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