It's Friday. Sex?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
