he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
she told me i tasted like america
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
