i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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