I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
