Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
