So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
