I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
