My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
