sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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