She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
