She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
