I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
