Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
