Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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