she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
