Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
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