pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
